Just a Thought

Just a thought I had today. People need people. I think people who say: "Who needs people?" are actually people who need them the most. The things they strive for, usually recognition in the form of "success" or fame, is so that they can say to all the people they did not need: "Look at me!"

It was just a thought as I was making my bed and thinking about how I get looked over a lot. How my little man gives me kisses when I am sad (or happy) and flowers just because. How he makes me feel more special than most people.

I was thinking about how I still need to be recognized for skills other than mothering to make me feel whole. Thinking about love and disappointment and setbacks, and goals. How life takes you places that are unexpected and that that phrase isn't as romantic as it sounds. How I need people and I can't say I don't if I am being real. I want to be real.

 I want to be a conduit of truth-either the waters of truth refreshing or the electricity that is shocking. Beauty is made up of truth. Symmetry or not. Everyone wants to beautiful too whether they admit that or not.

We need people. We want to be beautiful.

My Son Loves the Color Pink

My son loves the color pink. It isn't necessarily his favorite color but he doesn't have one right now. He moves from color to color. But there was a short period of time where if the choice was between a "boy" color or pink he chose pink. The thing is, I don't really remember God assigning gender to colors. He made a beautiful creation with beautiful colors and pink is one of them. If my son loves it then I am glad to oblige his taste. 

Some people worry about boys liking pink or wearing their mom's heels. They worry about the interest in their mom's makeup or playing dress up. Some even go so far as worrying when a boy plays with a plastic kitchen set. I used to work at a daycare where a worker would tell the boys to stop playing at the kitchen, it was a girl's toy. Since when is fire only for girls? I guess it needs to be a really big fire to qualify as boy's play. 

When my son was going through his pink stage and had a pink cup someone asked my husband if I "made him like pink." It isn't a secret that I have some feminist leanings, although I don't enjoy the connotations that come with that word. I would rather just say I am pro-intelligence and anti-stupidity. 

What really gets me is we get it from both sides. 

Men tag women as "illogical, weak, gossips." And even if they don't label us like that, it is still clear that they think themselves superior...and women do too. Not only that but it is okay to imitate boys as girls, it is cute because we are trying to better ourselves, I suppose. But if a boy even declares he likes pink, some men are ready to whip it out of them right then and there.

In a news article in the New York Times there was this quote: "...girls gain status by moving into “boy” space, while boys are tainted by the slightest whiff of femininity. “There’s a lot more privilege to being a man in our society,” says Diane Ehrensaft, a psychologist at the University of California, San Francisco...“When a boy wants to act like a girl, it subconsciously shakes our foundation, because why would someone want to be the lesser gender?”

I've said this same thing before. So, it was nice to hear it from someone else. Why would someone want to be the lesser gender? Who the hell made the criteria for each gender? I'm sorry, God didn't lay it out so I don't see where the validity is. Most girls act this or that way? I never did. Most boys act this or that way? You have to choose, get beat up or act a certain way. My two-year old understands the way a lot of things work already, it doesn't take that long to realize what is expected of you. Why can't we focus on more important things and the world would have so much more beauty and less ugliness if weren't all so insecure.

An observation

There was some Disney movie on the other night when I was working out and as I started to listen to the lyrics to the song the girl was singing I was sort of bothered by them. I could understand if she meant to say that you shouldn't rely on what others think of you. It was more the usage of "bless, justify, and save" that bothered me. Also the fact that you should look to yourself. If yourself is messed up, how is that going to save you?

 "You can bless yourself
There's no need for someone else
There's no one to blame
There's no one to save you but yourself
I can bless myself
There's no need for someone's help
There's no one to blame
There's no one to save you but yourself
I can justify all the mistakes in my life
It's taught me to be, it's givin' me me
And I'll survive
'Cause I have blessed myself.
I will survive
'Cause I have blessed myself." (Lucy Hale)

Look! Another Blog About Chick-Fil-A?

So, this post is not exactly about Chick-Fil-A, but after reading numerous posts about them the past couple of weeks I finally had enough. Enough of what? A subject I feel very passionate about and that is the killing, perhaps "torture" is a better word, of the English language! What this post is really about is the importance of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and editing.

As I have read comments in the sections of numerous articles both bashing or applauding Chick-Fil-A I have seen many people call them "racists." It is very hard to read the rest of their argument because I cannot get over the fact that they have called someone a racists whom they mean to call a "bigot."

 I have seen arguments about any number of controversial topics raging on blog posts, Facebook, news articles, and even Youtube and I skip over comments that don't have any capitalization. I stop reading comments after too much misspelling because I can't believe that all of the words were typos. When commenters don't have the sense to edit either hateful speech and bitter words that are directed at a person and not about the subject, why would I believe they have anything intelligent to say? Perhaps they do, but I cannot force myself to plow through the muddle of language to get at what they are trying to say. I don't have a problem with views different than my own, I will gladly read arguments against my views. In fact, I appreciate and applaud well thought out and well rendered debate. I have a feeling that this is true with many other people. Thankfully, just as Dan Cathy is free to make his own comments (because this is America), people who have nothing worthwhile to say have the right to comment if they have a Facebook account. I mean what I just said, I am thankful for free speech despite the side effects.

My main concern is this, I would like people to take into consideration that if you have something to say, say it well. People will be more likely to listen. You can be quiet and hold someone's attention when you sound as if you have educated yourself on the subject, when you wield the English language with power. You can be loud and others will turn you off if your words are full of explicit language, misused words, and abuse. You might as well be an adult in a Charlie Brown cartoon. Also, if you don't have a valid point, stop commenting. Why do those who have nothing of value to say keep commenting? I've yet to see one redeem themselves.

And there it is. I've said it.

Beauty

Sometimes the beauty of my little boy is overwhelming. When his cheek pressed against mine this morning it was so soft. I was gardening, he came behind me, threw his arms around my neck and giggled. My smile was to each end of my face and suddenly tears welled up in my eyes. I thought of what a tragedy it is to have something so beautiful taken away prematurely. The pain of that thought! So I grabbed him and held him and kissed him. That soft cheek and giggle and smile with his dimple.I guess my tears were tears of joy and relief that he was there to hold. Moreover, thankfulness for my little blessing.

Thought

Thought:

Today I thought about my son learning to talk more clearly as days progress and I realized that one of the most sad things I can think about happening when my little boy begins to speak is that he will learn to tell untruths and half-truths.

Baytown Little Theater-A Chorus Line 2-28-12

Recently, I was in a play title "A Chorus Line" at my local theater-The Baytown Little Theater. I have written a previous post lamenting the the lack of things to do in Baytown versus the array of things do in Houston. However, if there is nothing more in Baytown to do than the BLT they have certainly made up for it there.

When I arrived for the audition it had been quite some time since I had been in any sort of production. Even at the camp that I directed, I was the Camp Director and so I was not involved in anything but the direction of some of the skits. So, I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know how to dress, I didn't know anyone. I like to put myself in situations that make me nervous because they help me grow. However, I am also a chronic worrier and so leading up to a situation is the worst. I am also a self-examiner so after the fact I can be hard on myself too.

It is very possible in theater that everyone there can ignore you  because either they know each other or, oddly, many theater types are actually reserved. They can be people who are lively and animated on stage but introspective offstage. I was very obviously a newcomer, but I was enthusiastically greeted by the ladies handing out the audition forms and then greeted by one of the long-time actresses at the Baytown Little Theater. The fact that anyone reached out to me recommended this theater from the start.

As I was cast in the play, rehearsed, and eventually performed the play, my love for the Baytown Little Theater and the people there grew.

My favorite part of the experience was learning the choreography for A Chorus Line. A Chorus Line is a play about professional dancers who are auditioning for a spot in a chorus line. It is about their struggles growing up, love, and how we all desire to know our place in life and that our place is something meaningful and lasting. In a sense it is also about how acting and dancing, the stage in general, is a place where people who don't fit can fit somewhere, can lose themselves in the beauty of that art. But how fame is difficult and fleeting and knowing ourselves is important to moving on with life. People are important to who we are. Community is important. Not feeling alone.

Many plays have these themes running through them and that is why they strain our heart with empathy. Why we find them sadly beautiful. It is one of many reasons that I love the theater and being a part of it.

Why We Need to Fail

We only see our mistakes and everyone else's final product. That is why we feel like failures sometimes.

I watched the video below on a friend's Facebook page and loved it. I knew I did because it immediately made me want to write. I think our society- although we like to think that we value hard work- just wants instant success. The tendency to avoid failure also seems closely related to how people want rights and not responsibility.

If you do not watch the video, I will summarize for you:

The reasons why you need to fail:

1) Failing is required for learning
You build muscle by doing something a little out of your ability. To learn effectively you must make mistakes and pay attention to those mistakes.

2) Failing keeps you in the growth mindset
This is one of the points that excited me the most. A growth mindset believes that you can achieve something (a new skill, etc) by hard work. On the other hand, a fixed mindset believes people have innate talent and so outcome and  ability is based on that. So, someone who has a growth mindset will fail and think: "I need to work harder and I will get better at this." A fixed mindset will fail and think: "I am just not good at this." I plan on making sure to compliment my son by saying things like "You worked really hard on your throwing and look how well you've done!" Instead of: "You are a natural athlete!" I want to compliment his hard work and not his natural talent.

3) Failing reminds you that everything is just an experiment
When you experiment then you try things and discover. If it doesn't work, it was an experiment and not a failure. It doesn't mean that everyone's work is as good as another one's work. It is saying that experimenting can lead to great work because of a great discovery. If we are afraid of failing, then we stay in the same rut creatively, which seems an oxymoron anyway- "Creative" and "stuck in a rut" do not go together.
It reminds me of exercises in my acting class where we discover the meaning of the script by trying it a number of ways and doing odd things with it. Such as doing the play like we are 4 years old or like we are high. It may not work one way but you learn that it doesn't, or you discover something about the script you had not before. My acting teacher has said that actors don't like for people to see them in certain ways, they don't want people to see their ugly side, but we have to be able to display it.
 I like to cut up clothes and do new things to them. Sometimes I make a cut and think "whoops." It doesn't turn out like my original thought but it turns into something else that is cool. We are all perfectionist to some extent, we don't like for people to see us fail, but experimenting is a great way to break that paralysis.

I think this is totally exciting! If you know it is not only okay to fail but beneficial, then there is a freedom in that. And there is beauty in freedom.

I was thinking

Just a ponderance:
Saying something over and over in a fight is like when people try to speak louder in English when someone who speaks a different language doesn't understand them. It is just annoying and they don't understand, but, on the other hand, you just really want them to understand you. You feel like what you are saying is important.

There are so many different smiles. Isn't that weird?

-I'm not sure about you
-I have to
-I've been posing for this picture a long time
-I just want you to see my dimples
-That was funny but I know I am not supposed to be laughing
-We are cohorts, what's next?
-I'm pleased
-I'm embarrassed
-I'm embarrassed and pleased at the same time
-Yes, I just said something funny
-Do you get it?

Just a few. I had written more, but then I cut it to this point because it almost sounded like a poem.

See and I Have to Name This Post: Spotify

Do you sweat over titling your photo albums online? I love naming things and so if I can't find the perfect thing to say I don't want to publish it. I have, but I don't like it. What started this thought? I have to name playlists in Spotify, my newest social media interest. I named one that I didn't make public called: "Songs I Should Be Ashamed To Be Listening To." Let's just say the album includes "Whip My Hair" by Willow Smith and that is the only freebie you are getting today.

 I have enjoyed naming things since I was young, one of my favorite parts about imaginary play was making up a name for myself. When writing a story, the sound and meaning of the name had to fit the character perfectly. I loved Anne Shirley because she loved naming things. She called a road that she traveled frequently "The White Way of Delight." If you don't know who the fictional literary character Anne Shirley is, then shame on you or whoever never introduced you to her!

Are you ever interested in a person you never met? Or have never seen? What I mean by this is that I walk by some people's houses and they seem to be bursting with character. I wonder who lives inside them. I want to meet them. I have considered knocking on their door with that sole purpose, just to meet them. I have also seen people and the way they dress, their eyes seem to tell me that they have a lot to add to this world and I want to talk to them and let them add to me. If they are beside me, sometimes I will talk to them, but mostly they just are in passing and I know they have so many stories. Sometimes I feel sad for people and I don't know why. I imagine what must be going on, mostly they are people I see while driving or riding in a car, so there is no way to gift them with a smile or word.

Speaking of that, I like to be left alone when I am angry, even when I am sad. I don't want happiness around me, I don't want sympathy. In fact sometimes I think I want people to be mean to me then. I like to exercise when I am angry or sad. I don't mean that it is easy to start but I mean that I like the result. I am inevitably more clearheaded and mature by the end. I wear myself out doing something useful instead of expending my energy on words or actions that will get me nowhere.

People are interesting creatures. I wish that interesting ones felt more free to express themselves in words. But maybe that is why they are interesting, they know when to speak. No, NO. They should speak sometimes and don't get a chance. It is generally the uninteresting that are the loudest. I don't mean expressive, I just mean the ones who feel they can say whatever they please and it is never edifying, it is never constructive, or smart. It is only loud and frequent.

Austin City Limits

This past weekend I went to Austin City Limits music festival. My mother-in-law bought tickets for my husband and I to go. I have never gone before, but it has been a yearly tradition of my husband and brother-in-law. My husband even went when our son was born three weeks prior to the festival. My only goal was to not intrude on their fun. I had an inkling that in this area I am not as cool as they are. But I wanted to try out the festival.

I didn't really examine my intentions. I think I wanted to get away, I wanted adventure, I wanted to see somebody I knew or meet a stranger. These were all reasons I went. It's funny, really, because I avoid going to concerts often. Mostly because the act I want to see comes on about the time I am ready to go to bed. But I wouldn't feel so tired if the venue wasn't dimly lit (which it usually is), if I didn't have to stay in one room (you usually do), if I didn't have to stand in a crowd for hours, or sit in a crowd for hours. I like to be moving around and I like space.

I overheard a guy at ACL this weekend saying to his friend "she doesn't like music and she doesn't like people so I don't know why she came (to ACL)." I love music. I love people. But loving people doesn't mean you enjoy watching Coldplay with a ponytail swishing in the front of your face and a backpack smacking the side of your face. It doesn't mean that you enjoy some random girl who is upset at her friends pushing you deliberately to get out some of her aggression. Okay, it was kind of funny. Liking music doesn't mean that you want to stand in sweat and rain and use port- a- potties. Liking music doesn't mean you want to stay all day. So, I think there are music people and then there are music festival people.

We went to a concert after the festival and I got to stand on the upper floor right by the railing. I could see! I wasn't tired when they came on! I wasn't hungry! I enjoyed it. It was Ty Seagall and his drummer was female and named Emily. I really enjoyed myself. My guidelines for perfect concert going don't line up with the realities of concerts and festivals though. My opinion is that everyone should spread out and then everyone can see. And if everyone gave enough space for people to twirl and dance then I would be at festivals all the time. Music + outside + dancing without abandon = exhilaration. I think I wanted to love the festival like my BIL and husband. they get tickets as soon as they can, they check the website everyday to see the lineup. They map out who they are going to see and what stage they will need to be at when. They get there when it starts and they stay until the closing act. They go for all three days. That isn't me. What is so funny about that is that I am a planner. But at something like this, I want to chill. I want to lie in the grass, throw a frisbee, go to a couple of shows, have room and dance and sing and not worry about who plays when or have the other people with me do so. But I was a guest and besides, like I said, festivals don't follow my criteria.

I do want to share some of the wonderful moments I did have this weekend though because there certainly were plenty to make it worthwhile. Here they are:

• We sat at the stage where Asleep at the Wheel was playing. Everyone was sitting so the stage was visible and there was enough space in between people to lay on your back or spread out your legs. The wind was blowing and the sun was not scorching. As the band tuned up for their second song Bobby asked me to dance. We danced barefoot in the grass. I don't know if it was the magic of the festival but he wasn't self-conscious and he was the one to ask me to dance. Twice. My heart sang. This moment alone made it worth it.
• We were in more of a crowd and the sun was hot enough to make sweat run down our backs but every once in awhile there would be a reprieve. Bobby held me in his arms from behind while we stood and listened to one of his favorite bands. It felt like when we first started dating.
• I went off by myself and looked at the art section of the festival and picked someone I felt like listening too and did so (Wanda Jackson), then I sat down and met two guys who I talked to for awhile. They wondered what I was writing in my notebook and although, at first I was writing lists, I began to write thoughts. One of the things I was pondering was which guy at the festival was my dad in the 70's. They looked with me after I described what I knew about me dad at that time in his life.
• After they went off, I made a sand alligator eating a sand turtle.
• I went outside the festival and walked down the road to Yum Yum Yogurt, taking the free sample offered on the street although I had already decided to go there. After I tried the Tart flavor and the Vanilla. I decided to get a little bit of both and mix in Snickers. I sat down at a table right by the window which looked out on the sidewalk. There was a constant stream of people walking back from the festival and I as I sat at the table I just began writing down any thought that popped into my head. I enjoyed seeing my thought on paper and I realized it was a great writing exercise. It wasn't the exercise where you write and write and don't set down your pen no matter what you are writing and it wasn't sitting there trying to think of subjects. It was an organic brainstorming. After I was done, I walked back against the steady flow of festival goers to the bikes where I said I would wait for the rest of my crew.
• Riding bikes to and from the festival. Riding a bike is exhilarating.
• Eating at Takoba in Austin. Go there if you are in Austin. The food was amazing. It wasn't good or delicious, it was amazing. We went with Danny (my BIL) and his girlfriend (who is also my friend) Lauren. Beside the food being amazing, I felt young again. We didn't have Elijah, we didn't have a certain time we needed to be back (my MIL had him for the whole weekend), we ordered a carafe of mimosa (two, actually!) and drank if all between the four of us. The restaurant was super loud and we had to yell to be heard. We just chilled and drank and ate. I loved it. It has been so long.
• The first strains of "Yellow" being played live by Colplay and the crowd roaring with enthusiasm. It was a true psychological experience the whole crowd mentality. It was synergy and I was caught up in its influence.

It was a fun weekend. I felt younger. I am not old, but I am at another time in my life where this kind of experience is not so readily available. For example, as I type this my son is throwing a tennis ball and yelling "baaaaallll!!!", now pushing his feet into my side, now falling into my lap, and, finally, in a last attempt, sitting on the keyboard I am typing with, while I still endeavor to type. It was a sweet fantasy that I enjoyed for a weekend.

Fashism

Before you comment on my misspelling of the political ideology "Fascism" let me assure you that this blog post is not dedicated to discussing that radical form of government. Instead, this post is about a new website I found called Fashism.com Interesting choice of a name, though, if you do consider the dictates and power of fashion and compare it to the ideas of Fascism.

Anyway! This site is interesting; it taps into the whole narcissistic side of people- which is a side I think we all have. The original intention of the site was also a good one but I am not sure, after my experience, that it reaches its goal. Which as stated on Fashism.com is "...not to punish you for dressing poorly, but to make you dress better." The problem is that you have to have a bunch of people who have good taste and who mean well for it to really work. Let me tell you about the site, the creator's intention, and then I will tell you about my experience with the site.

Fashism is a site where you can go to upload pictures of different outfits that you are thinking of wearing and ask other people's opinion about it. You post the picture and then title it with a question. For example: "What necklace should I wear with this?" or "Does this outfit look good for a concert?" or "Should I buy this dress?" You can even post two or three looks side by side and ask people to rate which one looks better. Kind of makes you feel like a celebrity, "Who wore it better?" After you have uploaded your picture and your question, other people who have a Fashism.com account can look at your photo, click on "Love it" or "Hate it" and then make a comment. The comments are supposed to be helpful. For example "I would wear a white belt with that instead of a brown one" or "Maybe tuck the shirt in" or "Lose the jacket and it would look much better." Next to the photo you have uploaded there is a black circle that shows the percentage of people who "loved it" and below the photo are all the comments or suggestions.

The creator of the site is Brooke Moreland, who said she had the idea for it "after walking out of the dressing room looking for her husband’s opinion and found an empty couch." She figured there must be some way to use the internet to solve this problem. The site even has guidelines for users. "Comment Guidelines: Please only constructive comments. You don’t have to like everything, but the goal here is to help people look their very best, not to make fun of poor sartorial choices. Again, no hateful or obscene speech will be tolerated. We reserve the right to revoke your site privileges if you engage in such behavior."


I have to say that when I found out about the site and started looking through it, I found it addictive. I skimmed the different looks that had been posted recently (the twelve most recent uploads are displayed at the top of the page) and glanced at some of the comments that were left. I decided that I would sign up for an account and have some fun with it. I found out as soon as I uploaded my first look how addictive this could be. I had to stop myself from constantly refreshing to see what my new rating was. I was also sort of testing out the site. The first picture I posted was a cute outfit (and I know it is) except that the mittens I was wearing were not. They weren't bad, but they weren't fashionable. I asked "Different mittens next year?" People were fairly helpful, except the first guy who said "You'll have to cause those need to be burned! Not a good look." He did not leave any sort of edifying comment. Everyone else suggested what I could do instead. That was the main reason I posted what I did because I wanted to check out how people responded.


Next I uploaded a picture of my face and asked them "What do you think of the makeup and hair?" I purposely picked a picture that I know has a good look. Before I relied on this site too heavily for fashion advice, I needed to finish this experiment. This picture had only a 47 percent rating of people loving it. However, the comments were disparate with the rating. My 47 percent rating had comments like this: "I think your make-up and hair are stunning! Your look has a very fresh, vintage feel to it. Make-up close to your natural skin tone is the way to go:D" and "I find it classic and beautiful. Perfect example of makeup that enhances beauty rather than beautiful makeup." and "Very cute! You look fresh and natural." The only suggestion was that I should perhaps put on a little more mascara. I found it odd that the rating and comments were so disparate. If they hated it so much, why didn't anyone help me out? That is what the site is supposed to be for.

In the end, for me, I don’t think it will help much when it comes to picking out my outfits, but I do find it a rather fascinating social experiment. For example, I have noticed that “Love it” percentages are higher when the person posts a picture of a model wearing an outfit rather than themselves. Of course, there could be variables. Is the model just inevitably going to make the outfit look better? Is it because someone in the fashion industry dressed the model up? Or is it just because we gravitate to the beauty of the person and picture and it skews the view of the outfit? Does it make us less truthful or more truthful? Do pictures of an ugly person get rated better than pictures of a pretty person? We are supposed to be looking at the clothes and how they suit that person. I think I will try a few more experiments and one of them will be to actually ask about an outfit I am trying to decide on. Maybe that will change my view. But I wonder how many people are actually trying to make a fashion choice and how many want affirmation that they are, indeed, a pretty person? Facebook is mainly your friends, Hot or Not is for people desperate for dates anyway (almost everyone is at least a “9”), maybe Fashism is confirmation that you are pretty or ugly or plain. Or maybe people just want fashion advice.


NOTE: One thing I must add, though, they do have a blog where special fashion experts will examine looks you post and comment on them via a live webcast. That's pretty cool and they supply comments that really help out. Haven't done it yet myself, but I intend to.

Posting Poetry

I have decided to post my poetry and short stories on my blog. I intended to do this when I started the blog and then I begin to read about selling the written word. To post something on a blog means that it is considered "published." Therefore, your work is not as valuable as it was before posting.

Now I have come to the conclusion that it may not be valuable just sitting in my closet either. Also, it hinders me from writing anything new. If I publish it here, I am required to write more. Better to share some of me with the world.

 Perhaps I was making excuses because I was afraid to share myself, I don't know. I do know I legitimately want to make a mark on this world. I feel as if my life can be summed up like this: I am a dreamer, but practical. Therefore if I do not know how to being, I don't start. If I start I put my all in. So, I live a safe life but not always a happy one. I don't know how to start with getting my writing read. There is so much to read on the internet why will someone read mine? I don't know, but I am putting it out there for all who do.

Christmas-I am a Scrooge

You might want to call me Scrooge but I don't really see it that way. I love Christmas, but Christmas in its present form is a bummer to me.
I love decorations, lights, parties, the food, the air, the carols, all of these I love and look forward to. Then I remember that I am required to buy at least gifts for my immediate family, probably a few gift exchanges at parties, and maybe some other extra ones and Christmas becomes stressful.
I would much rather make my gifts or, better yet, not have gifts at all except for the kids.I love giving gifts but having the pressure of buying that many at one time,being expected to do it, and spending that much money takes any joy out of it. I think gifts should be a symbol of thinking of someone. I feel more like it is a test.
It is also stressful on my budget and I feel like people say they understand but don't really. If I didn't buy gifts for anyone I don't think they would be very happy and if I spent very little, they would say "thanks" but it would mean "this is lame." I cannot forsee anyone else agreeing with me or, at least, anything being done about it. So Christmas will never be a completely joyful holiday for me.
Gifts should be spontaneous and because you see something you remember someone wanted or because you just feel such a burst of love and want to show it some way. Also, never give coupons you make as a gift because people never redeem them. If Elijah ever makes some for me I will redeem them because it is insulting when people don't. It is like they think you did it to get off the hook when really it was a thoughtful way to not go outside your budget.
It isn't that I don't give, I do, but I would like to give of my time and effort and if I have it, money, but I don't want to feel like I have to and for a bunch of people at one time.
I love my family so much, I would love that Christmas should be a time of just spending with people you love and eating good food and watching kids open a couple of presents each and singing about our Saviour, looking at a transformed city of decorations and lights...

The Ministry of Truth

1984 by George Orwell was one of my very favorite reads in High School. I still remember how it intrigued me then. If you have never read 1984 or don't remember it really well or just read the SparkNotes then I may have to explain the reason I chose the title for my blog.
In 1984 the main charater works at The Ministry of Truth in which it is his job to change newspapers to reflect the way that the governing authorities would want history to be portrayed. He rewrites history but the Ministry of Truth is also involved in chaging entertainment media and any other sort of media that would cause the citizens to think differently than those in charge think they ought to. Anything that would oppose their ideals.
Keep the above explanation in mind while I explain this next part because they will tie in eventually. The other day I read an article in a magazine that has a specific target audience which is, namely, Christian homeschool families. By just skimming the magazine you can tell there are most certainly some ideals that a large part of the demographic have concerning how to raise your children and what a proper Christian looks like. Then again, it may be the editor that is skewing it one way.
I was reading this magazine in the first place because I am working on breaking into freelance writing. I figured it would be wise to break into it through an avenue that was familiar to me- a subject I know a lot about. I was homeschooled throughout my formative years-elementary, junior, and high school- and I was raised in a Christian home. I thought this magazine would be good because as far as I can tell it is the most professionaly done and widely distributed of its kind. I have learned that the first step to writing for a magazine is to research it and study the format and what sort of articles they are interested in.
While loooking through the magazine I came to a section suggesting books to let your boys read and books to let your girls read. Before books were listed the article explained why the different sexes should read the suggested books. In short, boys should read adventurous books with plenty of sword fights and confidence and resourcefulness, books that help them become a provider and speaks to their love of adventure. But for girls, the contributing author (who is a woman) said that "modern" books provide girls with role models who are too focused on education and adventure. This shouldn't be so girls are the ones (in her words) "who hang the calico curtains in the cabins the men build." In a word, this author managed to say "don't fill their pretty little heads with ideas." She said that girls should read books about the home and the family and relationships since that is eventually what they will be concerned with. I was flabbergasted. I had to check to make sure that this was a recent publication and that it wasn't dated 1950 something.
I am a mother, I love my son, I love my husband, and sometimes reading about adventure IS discouraging because it is hard to do with a family. But that doesn't mean that I can't have adventure ever and it doesn't mean that some girl out there or MANY girls out there aren't meant to have adventures and to invent and discover things in fields of education. Not all are even meant to marry,not all are meant to have children and not all are meant to follow the mores set on wives and mothers even if they are in that position. By the way, why do Christians forget to tell girls that they don't have to get married? Why do they pose the life of singleness as a plight to be endured? God said marriage was good but he also said (through Paul) that those who are married will endure hardship because they are focused on the things of this world. But this is another blog subject entirely. Back to the subject at hand. Further than that, the thing that bothered me the most about these "suggestions" was that the boys were supposed to delve into and relish adventure whereas girls were supposed to abstain from looking at it. It isn't because girls would not find pleasure in the reading of adventure or in imagining themselves doing adventurous things or being educated but because they would be dissatisfied with their lives and not focus on their inevitable purpose.
In the same vien, it is a double standard because nothing is said about men being involved in the family. If there are women having a family then certainly there is a man who helped the family come to fruition. It seems as if that man is meant to inseminate the women with his seed and not bother further with the family, but to pursue satisfaction in his work and adventure. He is free to go here or there and so it is no problem for him to read all his life about adventure. He should be pursuing it then, as a boy, and later as a man; wherever his mind can take him he can go. Whatever is his pleasure it is in his reach, it is his privilege, his birthright as a male. However, the woman will only have so long to revel in the summer of her life. Soon she will be concerned with babies and surely she will leave this resonsibility if her head is filled with ideas. It is not in her future, it is not her privilege, why make herself unhapppy? It is a sin for her to be unhappy and she will inevitably be unhappy if she expects adventure. It is also unladylike. BS.
I admit, when I was young I had so much freedom and I loved adventure books. I imagined myself in each one of them. As I grew older I realized that my decisions were a little more limited than boys. Mostly because I was not encouraged to reach for the stars so much as they were. It was cute when I was young to exclaim that I was going to be a pro pitcher, but the older I got the more I heard what women were not capable of or should not be doing as it was a violation of ladylike behavior. I wondered why I had these desires if they were wrong. I don't those think those desires were wrong. Man and woman alike should realize their responsibilities and look at their adventuerous dreams in this light.
A man has a family as well as a woman and they should both be tied down in some respects and both encouraged in their dreams as well, able to support one another to enjoy their family as well as to reach other goals. Family should not be a rope that ties you down. Suggesting that a girl should not read these books suggests that a family is a weight more than it suggests its original intent which is for the woman to be a good mother and wife. But why are these the only words that define her? "Wife" and "Mother" she is also many more things as well, those are only her titles. If a family is a rope it should be to support, to help climb, to lasso the bad guys.
I would suggest that boys read books about men who love their kids if girls are to read books about relationships and that if boys are to read books about adventure then girls should be able to read books about adventure if it is something that rings true with the desires God gave them.
It just made me think of the Ministry of Truth. Have the females read only the propaganda that keeps them in line with this media venue's own ideology. We need family men and family women. We need men with adventurous hearts and minds and women with adventurous hearts and mind. We need men who work hard to provide and women who work hard to save and budget what the men provide. We need women who can sew and men who can brag about the quality of the sewing. We need men who will iron and women who will hammer. We need them working side by side enjoying the satisfaction that hard labor brings. We don't need one independent and full of life and the other dependent and dull. Interdependency on Christian brothers and sisters, wives dependent on husbands and husbands dependent on wives. Most of all, dependency should be reserved for God only and in that case men and women alike must lean on Him in an equally submissive and trusting manner.

Something I Found

Today while looking at organizing a desk (but not actually doing it) I found a notebook that had only a few pages written in (both in my handwriting and in Bobby's). The one in my handwriting was titled "Snippets on my brain today." There were four "snippets" one on Atheism, one on kids, one on a website, and one on ideals. The one on kids read like this: Kids-are wonderful and free. I wish people would let me dance ballet in the middle of Chik-Fil-A.

What I Have Learned About God's Love

After being a mother for a mere 5 weeks I feel like I have come to understand God's love in a new way. In a way that is completely astounding and which is the sort of revelation that is always right before you. Sometimes you repeat the facts mindlessly from knowing the bible. Sometimes you truly do have little glimpses of His awesome love, sometimes you long to know it better. It seems so much clearer now although it is still like looking through a glass dimly as it says in 1 Corinthians.
It may seem clearer to me now and it may seem that if I write about it it will be clearer to others but I think many have tried and it is something you find out on your own. But maybe it will bless someone who reads it.

I did not create Elijah, but, in a sense, Bobby and I brought him about and he was born with a mix of mine and Bobby's genes so he is 'made in our image.' Immediately after seeing him I loved him completely. My strong desire was, first, love. Out of that love was born a desire to protect him, out of the love and desire to protect there is a willingness to sacrifice for him, even to the point of death (of myself).

This is what I believe. God loves us so much. He created us. His heart is bursting with love and He desires for us to love Him back. Even if we do not, He will go on loving us. No matter what we decide to do He will love us. We can make Him sad and it will hurt His heart beyond words.

He loves us so much that He doesn't want us to make that decision. Maybe because it will hurt us and He doesn't want us to hurt or because that decision is ignoring Him and He wants to be a part of our lives. We can make Him angry because He wants to protect us but He knows you also need your independence and in this independence you might make harmful decisions. All of these emotions stem from His love for us and His desire to protect us and be loved in return. I understand this more.

He has sacrificed so much, He has created us and given us good and perfect things. His heart is bursting with love equally for each of His children and that is why He feels each of these emotions.

Being ignored after love and sacrifice is like someone kicking you when you are down. Love and sacrifice may never be completely understood by the child and, therefore, we are capable of hurting Him so much. All of this understanding comes from how I feel about my son. I love him so much and desire to protect him. I sacrifice for him and know I will continue to and I would even unto death. I feel all of this and I think that God does too. He created us because He loves us, He also loves us because He created us and then He loves everything about us.
In reading this, consider your attitude about God and even about your own parents...

Legalism

1. Strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence, to law or prescription, esp. to the letter rather than the spirit.
2.
Theology.
a. the doctrine that salvation is gained through good works.
b. the judging of conduct in terms of adherence to precise laws.

Romans 6

11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. 15What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

Matthew 23

24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.
25"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

Romans 2:11-13

11For God does not show favoritism.
12All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law. 13For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.


Right now my thoughts, like this entry, are random and not put together as well as I would like. I would have liked to have them all put together before I started writing but I have a feeling they will only come together as I start to write.
I have been thinking about the word "legalistic" because a lot of people who went to a church that I did and went through a break-up of that church as I did like to describe the church that way. They will admit that they were legalistic but I think they blame it on the church. I also think that many of them have tried to put themselves so far from that label that everything they do is "justified by grace" now.
Sight has been lost of the fact that although we are not under the Old Testament law where we are required to sacrifice animals or law where men are required to cut their beards just so we are under law that God never abolished when he saved us by sacrificing his son.
We are under that law because that law was given to show that we are sinners. We do not need to follow the law to go to heaven because then we would follow it by letter only. We follow it to please God but only because we know it pleases him and he has our best in mind. We will not lose our salvation because we gained it by faith and by grace, but grace and faith do not abolish the law. It is still there and if it is there to show us our sin it must be something that is written in our hearts when we are saved and something that we should follow.
I write this because I see so many situations that are justified now because we feel that God does not want us to be miserable. Murder, stealing, adultery, lying. They are justified so easily but we cringe to call them by their name because we know they are wrong. They become unrecognizable to us because we have told ourselves that is not what they are. This situation is different.

http://www.pluggedinonline.com/discernment/a0001825.cfm